hmmm. its amazing 9.10 in the morning. gawd it has been such a long time since i last woke up at such a ghostly hour. =/
well. i wasn't able to sleep thru out the night. after what i saw, i totally couldn't believe my eyes at first. but after thinking of it thru the night, i realised that it happened way before i realised/was told about it. i was furious. not because of what and when i was told, it was who. no i do not have any feelings towards it. i just don't see it happening. just no. total no.
it even came to a point where this whole sentance came into my mind "if you still treat me as "blah", than you have to stop all this "blah" with "blah". if you continue on, i will leave the "blah" " yeah, its that bad, where its either me leaving or "blah" it kinda ran thru my head so much that i nearly wanted to hit "send" on my so scratched up screen.
but as i was starting up my laptop and having breakfast, i started to think, why am i so negative? why am i not supporting it to happen? am i too afraid that something would happen to the big picture? shouldn't i be supporting it since it seems like its a puzzle where pieces match?
but i just can think of one thing, no.
is it just me being negative or there are other people who thinks so too? i know a friend would say no too. but whats the "voice" of that friend and i?
i just don't know. i want to go to school, sit alone and let all this fucked up emotions/thinkings run wild. but i'm to physically tired. i haven't/can't sleep. i need to start popping pills. but than school is the only place where theres no noise, no distraction, no voices which will only agravate what is bad.

of all things to happen, you have to let this happen. yay for the possibility of something bad to happen.