come to think of it, i quite like violence.

bad mood was gone after the whole chat at friend's blog. i like making people lose! =D

不想去追，怕又被拒绝。
敢去追，但是怕你不要。
如果你要，怕又伤害你。

我的心，应该也很难过。
我的人，应该也要崩溃。

累了。我真的什么都做不了。
我还是留在这，爱着你。

*just don't comment about this post. just don't.*

"how many times can i break till i shatter?"

i still am not over eug. it just hurts.

thursday faster come kay? i just need the whole drinking session to happen. its just too much that is happening. too much shit. too much things in school.

too much.

bus late for 2 days
today come sch totally did nothing because someone decided to pretend that i'm not there.

fucked up my whole mood for sch.

idk la. its getting on my nerves but than i still want to let it go. something good? or something stupid? its super irritating that this type of things have to happen. hello. everyone else is friends now but than i'm being 'outcasted'? goodness.

should i continue the whole study first, friends lateR? or should i even try to make friends with people who don't even see that i'm here?

i'm tired.

hmmm. damn it. today doesn't seem to be a good day for me. first the whole class anti-social thing hit me. now i'm kinda listening to bleeding love. =/ only those close enough would understand what i mean. gawdddddddddddddd.

i need some kinda pet or something. lol and damn it restaurant city keeps on going into maintenance. =.=

pre-u seminar meeting here i come.

and i'm still thinking of the pp thing. =.=

stupid advisor, faster send email la.

i love my new pic. =)

PP how. =(

hmmm. i still remember dq saying this

"because you are not over eugene."

i wouldn't even think whether is it true or not. am i too scared to think about it? seeing him the other time at school did spark something in me yet again. but than i chose to faster walk away instead of waving or something.

sigh.

oh lesbian friend oh lesbian friend. where are you.

its interesting that i always go play and i see you. we got talk but somehow i don't even have your msn. its starting to be like some kinda straight boy chasing girl thing. =.=

i shall try finding you sometime. =D

well. its year 2 life alrd. goodness gracious.

i thought by now there would at lease be one friend or something. but than hmmm...i shall not say anything yeah? but than i guess its better this way la. at lease i tend to work better now? i even bought a nice notebook siol. lol. notes notes notes all the day. =D

well. friend making shall be made of at a later day i guess. studies studiessss!!

=.= i feel freaking nerdish just typing that. oh well.

hmm. clubbed hard this two days. didn't even manage to eat or use the com at all for the two days. friday went out with chew chew and dq to shop ard. than last minute, we decide to go play since we are already so near. so we went, taboo-ed, tantric-ed, saw people, talk about people, and i saw moses! we totally over-reacted at play, but we don't care. goodness, its been too long since i last seen him. and definately someone else. =P had fun, disturbed people and took bus with adam and friends.

so slepted and alittle overslept and sat afternoon came. chiong out to my dear gene's bdae. it was definately a very good time as it was like old times sake where we joked, bitched and had fun. marche-d, present-ed, dior-ed, dblo-ed, rebel-ed, boooze-d, bachormee-d. lol . total fun! love love love love love.

well. in awhile, school's gonna reopen and our sch life is going back to normal. gawd i'm gonna miss this 3 months. but definately looking forward to more of these 3 months. =)

happy bdae gene bitchiesssssss! =D

i'm starting to think something yet again but than i shall not blog about it cuz its going to be yet another of the same entry. goodness

why am i feeling this way recently? =/

what should i wear later? =(
or what should i wear tmr also. goodness. =((((((

listening to radio and i hear this lyric. "how many times can i break till i shatter" i like

why is it so difficult to find a plastic fake hp leh?

stupid car that was blaring just now from 3 in the morning until just now in the afternoon. i'm gonna egg it if it happens tonight.

hmmm. well. its already thursday.

most probby meeting sam sini and sheena later on. hopefully things go out well because our dear friend sini seems to be in a rush here and there. maybe get her red bull or something later. lols

theres today and friday. hopefully can go club, final week of hols and there seems to be some dj that everyone likes alot. from the intro, it seems like i might like this dj too. lets hope for the better.

i'm thinking that maybe i might start to reopen my blogshop. maybe this time i'd sell my unwanted junkssssss. earn abit here abit there, maybe can save up and buy another neverfull! i'm kinda sticking on getting another damier one and selling off the one i have on hand. but theres no news that singapore is going to bring in the damier version. oh wells. definately not going to import the same bag yet again.

i noticed that my blog entry nowadays seems to be all over the place. =.= just ignore me cuz i also don't feel like deleting and retyping everything. just type whatever that is in mind and post! dont like don't read. =)

i shall be happy. because later in the afternoon i'm gonna cook shishamooooooooo!!!!! goodnesssssss! <3! loves. =)

well. i'm so obsessed with 溏心风暴 and i dreamed a dream. no not me, the song. =D

tmr need to go running after dinner. i'm getting fat fat fat and cholesterol and energy and stuff. must burn burn burn!

just let things fall into place okay. just.

well. i'm going back school to stone at the pre-u seminar's meeting in about another 7 hours time. which means i only got 5 to sleep. goodness. plus still have to gym with chew chew after that. wish me luck, if not i'd die. =/

i was looking at my want list for this year. and i realised something that brought a smile and anger to me at the same time.

BOBO HAS THE GRAFFITI NEVERFULL! DAMN!DAMN!DAMN! D=

hmm. so fast and its already the 14th of april. just one more week and sch reopens. goodness, boy is it a long long long 3 months break. everyone is fussing what to wear, what to bring, how to look on the first day. but i'm here thinking, how to continue on.
seems so similar to last year this time. "how to continue with E being in the same sch as i am" now, "how to continue with all the shit ass that is happening"

totally irrelavant, but theres no other E because i kinda died on the idea of being in a relationship. i just feel too constrained, not myself. its not like before when i was me when i'm with E. not that i'm emo over E. but its not easy to find someone who can let me be me.

hmmm. reflecting on my past 3 months, i guess i really had everything that i wanted. really letting go of E, clubbed till i'm high, drank till i'm weak, stayovered tonnes of times, knew alot of people, talked to random strangers, constrain from shopping that much, tried stuff that was totally out of my league(christian louboutin shoes for christ sake), made friends with people who worked at clubs. went overseas solo, live dine shop like crazy in a foreign country. just alot has happened.
can't help but just feel nostalgic for what happened before. isaac, karenn, agnes, zach, and other people whom i thought were friends whom i'd be very good friends for a long time. but things had to happen and i don't even know what is the status that i have with thesse people anymore.
is it me? why is it that i'm getting feed back from the people i hang out with, saying that i'm fucked up, i'm petty, i'm immature? i don't know. immatured? one says yes one says no. whenever i ask, i can't get answers. i'll definately never do things that would work out in a wrong direction. but why when i say so, i'm being said all these stuff? yes things have alrd stopped happening. but these words actually still ring in my head so loud that its just like someone sitting next to me constantly chanting it into my ears.
things are starting to happen without me knowing. is it because i said i don't want to know? or are things not being mentioned to me like they were used to?
why am i the one in fault and the other party pretends that it isn't theirs? why does it constantly have to be me worrying so much, not knowing so much, not informed so much, thinking so much, and have it ALL slammed back into my face? why do i have to make myself constantly suffer just because of other people who enjoys the other? why am i the one who is being stopped from doing things while the other is doing everything else? so what if you think this way? why do i have to stop?
yes i enjoy things that has happened. but i don't like the way things are going on now.

i hope it isn't something that someone else said. if so, i'd let go of everything. every. single. thing.

i don't like change. it just disrupts me and i get so irritated that i have to blog at such unearthly hour.

yes its just the same old entry but i just dont understand. just don't.

hmmm. no it can't be. no.

off to sleep. nites.

maybe i'm thinking too much. i hope.
i should just not think about things and don't care.

hopefully my energy level burns out fast. so i can finally go and sleep.

hmmm. its amazing 9.10 in the morning. gawd it has been such a long time since i last woke up at such a ghostly hour. =/
well. i wasn't able to sleep thru out the night. after what i saw, i totally couldn't believe my eyes at first. but after thinking of it thru the night, i realised that it happened way before i realised/was told about it. i was furious. not because of what and when i was told, it was who. no i do not have any feelings towards it. i just don't see it happening. just no. total no.
it even came to a point where this whole sentance came into my mind "if you still treat me as "blah", than you have to stop all this "blah" with "blah". if you continue on, i will leave the "blah" " yeah, its that bad, where its either me leaving or "blah" it kinda ran thru my head so much that i nearly wanted to hit "send" on my so scratched up screen.
but as i was starting up my laptop and having breakfast, i started to think, why am i so negative? why am i not supporting it to happen? am i too afraid that something would happen to the big picture? shouldn't i be supporting it since it seems like its a puzzle where pieces match?
but i just can think of one thing, no.
is it just me being negative or there are other people who thinks so too? i know a friend would say no too. but whats the "voice" of that friend and i?
i just don't know. i want to go to school, sit alone and let all this fucked up emotions/thinkings run wild. but i'm to physically tired. i haven't/can't sleep. i need to start popping pills. but than school is the only place where theres no noise, no distraction, no voices which will only agravate what is bad.

of all things to happen, you have to let this happen. yay for the possibility of something bad to happen.